untamed

"This is only a phase .... just wait till he gets older," I want to believe this to be true but after hours of trying to get Carson to stay in his bed I realized, this is who he is.... a determined, strong willed, impatient, demanding, little stubborn turkey. Clint's dad was here to witness the event. As I came back into the room, Carson in arm defeated once again he told me something I found very empowering and hope to hold on to. He said back in the old days... when Indians would look to trade or buy horses they wouldn't pick the same a cowboy would. They believed and loved the wild spirit a horse had within. They would choose the most untamed, unfettered rowdy horse of the bunch. They thought once a horse was "broken" his spirit was broken as well. Indians believed that animal and man were considered as being the same, neither one above the other. All things were considered different, but equal, from nature’s perspective and to break part of life’s web meant to break the whole. Very different than the cowboy's point of view. He told me that I couldn't be a cowboy (cowgirl) but that I had to be an indian and work with Carson's strong spirit. This made me think... as I crawled into bed and my son put his head onto my pillow to share, holding my hands, & ocasionally brushing my bangs off my cheek... I have to find this indian mentality.....

2

At two Carson's passions are : Bubbles, go diego go, cars, trucks, trains, animals & long boarding with dad. I still can't believe he is 2! My heart aches a little at how fast it's going... but these milestones are oh so fun! Some of my favorites Jumping, dancing, twisting.. he has found out how to move his body and that's what he does. He cracks us up. He is Clint's shadow wants to do everything he does. When we get ready he pulls all of Dad's things out of the drawer and he gets ready with that stuff while I do my thing. He loves animals... we have to be careful when we see stranger dogs.. No Carson we can't just pick up the neighbors black lab.... He has become more of a snuggle bunny and requests mom to do it with, which I oh so love!! He is such a little helper.... now if you want his help is a different story :) He truly cares about others and doesn't want to see anyone sad... We thought he would love homeward bound but when the cat was in trouble and going down the waterfall he broke down sobbing yelling no kitty, no kitty no! It took forever to console him and show him that silly cat sassy made it. Made me feel awful I put him through that! He keeps me on my toes and there are those days... but boy does he melt my heart!

Last year I did my motto of the year "Find Joy in the Journey Now." It's still on my side bar and connected to the great talk that inspired me if you want to check it out. This year was a little harder... I wanted something simple yet pro founding for me, for my family. It hit me today as I watched Carson catch a football in his arms and then continue to do it again and again. ( I'm ecstatic to show Grandpa because my dad will tell you Carson is going to bring the Vikings to the super bowl.) As I watched Clint beam from ear to ear and Carson laugh and shake his head at his new accomplishment. Tears filled my eyes (not unusual during this pregnancy) but I was over come with how much life has altered since having him. How much we have all grown and transformed. I know it's terribly sappy... all this from Carson catching a football, but it's true. So my motto this year is Cherish. Cherish the little, the hard, the happy, the stressful, the blissful moments. Sounds simple.. but how easily I forget. As my baby is now turning two and is talking more and more I want to savior him as he is now to be able to remember clearly his little spirit. As well as the little adventures life seems to bring our family.

Valentines day was always a big deal growing up. My dad made it that way. My mom, sister and I would all wake up to a surprise. Accompanied by a bouquet of red roses on the table and single roses in two vases. As valentines day approaches and there is a swarm of advertisements on the web, TV and mail my mind isn't drawn to Clint but these memories of my dad. My dad and mom are two very different people, that when together compliment each other perfectly. My mother is shy at first but becomes center stage after she has warmed up. While my dad is quiet but very approachable, he prefers to be more behind the scenes. When I was younger I thought nothing really of my parents other than they were my parents. Having children of my own I have come to appreciate the person that they are... I so badly want to implement them in how I do things. I have watched my dad with Carson... he began very awkward. I caught him looking at me to see if he was "doing" it right. Smiling I nodded and allowed my mother to take the reigns. As Carson got older he got more comfortable the two of them sit and watch monster trucks and laugh... I have watched him teach. Sometimes it's with Clint, explaining something with stocks or such. I swear he had a large part in why Carson could put a puzzle together at 1. I pick up now when he is trying to teach me something I wish I had done when I was younger. I watch how he interacts with Lacey and remember vaguely similar conversations growing up. How he play fights with Carson and remember all of those same tickle spots. I have never heard my dad speak ill of any one and if he ever caught my sister or I he would correct us promptly. We are coming to yet another milestone in Carson's life he will be two in March. I'm hoping I can share the same things my parents did for me. I feel very blessed to have them around in case I fall short.

I refused to have a crush on Clint Doyle when I met him. Don't get me wrong it was incredibly hard with those handsome greenish/ blue eyes that have perfect eyebrows that shape them and his thick brown hair. Ahhh yes, it was hard but I was not going to fall for this studly, dry humored sarcastic guy. Nope he knew all the ladies at work thought he was hot stuff and I was not going to be one of them..... He called me a lot.. I never answered. One time (by accident) it was him on the other end of the phone. He asked me if I wanted to grab some ice cream? I told him I was lactose intolerant... which is true but still I was short with him. He never gave up. He was always around at work and eventually we became great "work friends" Never allowing us to associate out of the office. The more I resisted the more he tried... and finally I gave in. After hanging out with mutual friends he asked me on a date. He looked down and kicked my car tire and confessed he had a thing for me and would really like it if I let him take me out. I smiled. We were going to dinner and a movie. He came to my door like a gentleman. Looking him over I smiled, his pants were rolled up showing the top of his old brown boots and his tucked in forest green shirt. He led me to the car with his hand on my lower back. He hates chilli's but knew I liked it I smiled when we pulled up to the restaurant and he rolled his eyes as he opened my door to let me out. He nervously tried to hold my hand in the theater almost spilling the drink in the middle. I smiled. and moved the middle drink and nestled into him a bit. He stiffened and had a huge grin. He walked me to my door where he faced me holding both of my hands. He told me he would really like to do this again and kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug, good night Heather. I smiled. Good night Clint. I went inside laid down still smiling and thought crap... I am one of them. Needless to say... months later we were married. I thought about that first date on our anniversary (1/27) and smiled.

Carson, Thank you. You have put up with a lot these past couple months. Your trips to the park have become far and few between. We have spent hours in the dreadful spare room where I put you to work putting tiny diapers for your soon to be brother in one box to another, while I sit in almost tears wondering where to put all the junk... Speaking of tears you are amazing when I become a weeping willow. I swear it wasn't like this when I was pregnant with you. I don't know how Diego can make me that weird happy teary eyed. You look at me with your dad's handsome serious eyes that you inherited and loudly say, "oooooohhhhhh mom." Then you make this fake laugh.. loud and from the belly and do it until I chime in. You know that gets me laughing in minutes. You have been really needy and giving me the best excuse to not mop the floor. I get to justify it with I held you all afternoon. You don't mind that I feed you the same thing everyday. Especially when I was so big at making you different things for our fun lunches together. You are the best little helper and are always right there when I am cleaning something. Actually you follow me every where like a little puppy. I know you're doing something naughty, if your not in the same room with me. (Lotion all over my couch, my black eyeshadow streamed across your face like a disguised GI Joe, a tub of Vaseline massaged in your hair.) You just seem to know when I need to rest and lay with me on the couch or you are coloring and or playing quietly with your hot wheels. The only request is Diego or DJ Lance be on the tube. You're talking so much more and my heart melts when you yell," MOM ove you!" Because I love you so much too. We have 2 and 1/2 months and things are going to be different... but I promise I'll make it fun! Back to the park buddy! Love, Love, Love you! xoxo mom

These Days.

I am eating again enjoying food. I have to be careful of smells and mornings are still "slow" but boy am I feeling soooo much better! Carson... where do I begin everything is OH NO!( his favorite phrase) He loves all animals (we are on watch with him with the dogs... he likes to pick them up now... not good.) Thomas the train is soooo in at our house CHOO CHOO! He is drinking out of a cup at meal times and does wonderful with it. I always sigh when we hit another big boy phase. He is all about dad and I have to say the jealousy that I had for this is starting to fade. I'll work on recruiting the next one to be a mamma's baby we will see.... Speaking of babies we had our big ultra sound today. Did not find out the sex of the baby. They wrote it down and put it in a manila folder with a cookie monster sticker to seal it. It's sitting on my desk taunting me. I am trying to stay strong but seeing that baby on the screen all kinds of excitement flooded through me! I looked in my rearview mirror on the way home and could just picture to car seats back there! We have been calling Carson big brother and he smiles and says big while nodding his head. Clint has been working 16 hour days sometimes 18... Its awful, the whole family is miserable with out him and I hate how hard he is working. Makes me feel very guilty. He really is something. He works and works and works and comes home tells me to sit down and does the dishes... I know its cliche but I am one lucky gal. This year his Christmas spirit is in over drive. Thanksgiving night I slept soundly not even realizing my husband had left to go black Friday shopping! He has made our spare room into Santa's workshop off limits to all and is giddy over the gifts for the kids. Usually its the opposite! He decided to take off the whole week of Christmas.. We are just ecstatic going to be a great Christmas! Hope you all are enjoying the Holidays! Planning on being a better blogger... pictures and more to come!